Little Murders

After a short vacation to the fabulous isle of apathy, I've returned. The five or so readers I get can now exhale. Well, you can hand me the pipe anyway.

My trip afforded me some time for quiet reflection, followed by lunatic glee and jabbering and stuff. I may have even shaved off an eyebrow... may have been Naired off. It's really all a bit of a blur. I've been working to piece the events of the last two weeks together... thankfully, I appear to have left myself notes hidden around the house written in what I can only assume to be ketchup on the backs of empty Netflix envelopes. Included on these notes ( along with recipes for something called "critter jerky" and the lyrics to a song entitled "Carled Weather/Gnarled Homes") were ideas for this very blog. The best one... sadly... a site dedicated to under-appreciated films.

Yes. I know. There are hundreds of sites like that.

Well, now there's one more.

And judging by that intro, one sorely in need of self-discipline and an editor...

The first of my under-loved gems is the 1971 movie "Little Murders".

Alan Arkin, coming off of "Catch-22"
and, according to IMDB, a two-year stint on "Sesame Street", directs off of a script based on the play of the same name. "Little Murders" can best be described as an existential black comedy/satire/straight up farce. Alright, fine. There is no "best be described" in this case. Let's just call it gleefully fucked-up.

Elliott Gould (the dashing guy covered in blood at the top of the page) stars as Alfred Chamberlain, a nihilist photographer who makes a living taking pictures of shit. Yup. Literally taking pictures of shit. While on assignment, he meets Patsy (not pictured, because, well, the internet seems to be void of any other pics from this film) and falls in love. Sorta. I mean, he's a nihilist, so he's constantly reminding her he has no idea what love is.

From there, the movie moves into wacky overdrive, as Alfred meets Patsy's fam. Think something more along the lines of "Flirting with Disaster" than "Meet the Parents", cept directed by a guy who just finished making "Catch-22" and Sesame Street episodes. The film continues along as a Bizarro-world satire of romantic comedies for the first hour, culminating in one of the best wedding sequences you could hope for. Donald Sutherland (again, not pictured in character, so I'll use this photo of him from a gay celeb porn site... or is that celeb gay porn site?) guest-stars as an existential minister, who preaches the virtues of realizing the sham that is the institution of marriage. This is the first line of his ceremony:

"First, let me state to you, Alfred, and to you, Patricia, that of the 200 marriages I have performed, all but seven have failed. So the odds are not good."

It gets better from there, launching into a sermon on masturbation, bribery, and LSD.

The movie then takes an unexpected turn in both tone and subject matter. I won't ruin it for you here. Otherwise, what's the incentive for you to track it down via Netflix, or Ebay, or... and this would be the ideal way to catch it... as a high school produced play. I've always felt "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" could use some more religious humor and random violence.

Spelunk is not the sound of someone's head falling off

Sweltering. 110 degrees. Power outages all over the city.

Me. Hiding from the sun in a very cold theater, getting the shit scared out of me watching my 20th ought-sixer, "The Descent".

If you're lucky enough to have no idea what its about, avoid any and all reviews and just go see it. Those of you who know me know I'm a horror movie dork. Survival horror is one the most neglected sub-categories of a pretty damn neglected genre, so when I spout the next line of hyperbole, know that I understand what I like and what I want from a horror flick.

Here goes: The Descent



"The Descent" is the best horror film I've seen in at least 5 years, and most probably the third best horror film I've ever seen. I know. Hyperbole can be messy, but I honestly don't see how my opinion will change anytime soon.

It's a flawless exercise in terror, claustrophobia, panic, and... gasp... character development. I don't want to write a real review of this film. For one... way too fucking hot to be elegant right now. Second, I don't want to give even a little a bit way.

If you have a strong stomach, go. Right now. Get off your ass, get in your air conditioned car, and go. Sale a CD if you're broke.

Hell, sneak in.

Just go.

Change Reel Now

Ah... cheap beer and blogging. What else is there to do at 2 in the morning?

Well, OK... lots I suppose... but not for a nerd with very little social life and no job.

I sat down tonight, intending to make my first really real post about the best films I'd seen this year. As it stands, however, I have only seen 19 films released in the Ought Six... and of those, I'd only call a small handful terrific (Brick, Why We Fight, A Scanner Darkly, maybe Slither, V for Vendetta, and Clerks 2 for the low expectation/high payoff category). A few of the summer flicks were decent, namely Superman Returns and... well... uh... sure there was another one in there somewhere.

Anyway, my pitiful attempt at list making got me thinking... namely about the best prospects out there for the rest of the year. Here's what I came up with, complete with previews when I could find one...

I've seen 19... so here are 19 more.

1. The Fountain- dir. Darren Aronfonsy


Easily the most anticipated film for me this year. It's been, what... almost 7 years since Darren Aronfonsky released Requiem for a Dream. I'm a sucker for an epic sci-fi film, and this one spans over a thousand years. Throw in some solid actors in Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz and you have an easy pick.

Preview

2. Marie Antoinette- dir. Sofia Coppola


The reviews from Cannes were pretty awful at times, but they're a finicky bunch and, well, French. Sofia Coppola hasn't really missed the mark yet and seeing her play with a $50 million budget sounds fun. If it's a disaster, at least it should be an entertaining one featuring a naked Kirsten Dunst.

Anachronistic

3. The Prestige- dir. Christopher Nolan


So far, nothing too surprising. Most of these are surely on everyone's list. Christopher Nolan is another director who simply always seems to hit the mark. This time, he has Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman (again) as feuding magicians. Throw in Scarlett Johannsen, David Bowie, Michael Caine and a brilliant trailer for good measure. Hope David Fincher isn't too angry that Nolan stole his career.

Hizaa!

4. Pan's Labyrinth- dir. Guillermo del Toro


Yeah, so I choose my movies by director. This one is Guillermo del Toro doing what he does best... namely making twisted spanish language horror films with amazing visuals. If the story delivers on this one (and all early word is that it does), then it could be his best film yet. Happy to see he's continuing to play outside of Hollywood on occassion.

Traducir

5. Idiocracy- dir. Mike Judge


Been a Mike Judge fan since Office Space. In this one, Luke Wilson wakes up a thousand years in the future to an America overrun with Taco Bells and idiots, discovering he is now the smartest person alive. Still listed as a September release, but seeing as how a trailer is still not available, I expect this to get bumped to the holidays or early next year.

6. The Good German- dir. Steven Soderbergh


George Clooney drama/thriller set in post-war Berlin. A director who isn't afraid to play with the medium in his prime. Black and white. No preview, very little info. Just enough to make me list it.

7. Babel- dir. Alejandro Gaonzalez Inarritu


World hopping drama that won a number of awards at Cannes. Advance word is it's likely the best film from this year's award hopefuls. Just watch the preview.

Jaberwocky

8. Children of Men- dir. Alfonso Cuaron


Set 20 years in the future, mankind can no longer procreate. Some chick becomes mysteriously pregnant. I'm sure the religious allegories and social commentary run rampant. I was slightly more interested in this before the weakish trailer hit but, again, advance buzz is pretty strong... and that cast with that director... well....

Do It!

9. This Film is Not Yet Rated- dir. Kirby Dick


The age of the high profile documentary continues... this one about the MPAA. Predictably, the scathing look at the ratings board earned the film an NC-17, so expect only a brief theatrical run and an Oscar.

Censored for your good

10. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan- dir. Larry Charles


Sasha Baron Cohen's cult is still relatively small in the U.S., but with the well planned exposure in Talladega Nights, expect that cult to be much bigger by the time this one comes out. Popular character from Ali G comes to America report on "the greatest country in the world", where he falls in love with Pamela Anderson. This simply can't suck.

In Russia, Trailer Watches You

11. The Woods- dir. Lucky McGee


This one depresses me. A lot.

See, I've been waiting for this puppy to come out for three years. McGee became a god to me after "May". As the months past, and this puppy gathered dust on the shelf, good will about the film contiuned to circulate among horror aficionados.

Now, I find out UA is simply going to dump it direct to DVD.

Suspiria anyone?

12. Stranger Than Fiction- dir. Marc Forster


I have no reason to expect this to be great. But the preview is just pretty damn strong and Will Ferrell appears to have finally found the right tone for the next phase in his career.

The quick of it: an author's protagonist just happens to also be real, and he begins going crazy as he suddenly hears the novelist's narrator in his head as he goes about his daily routine. Looks like a less quirky but enjoyable spin on Adaptation.

Novel

13. Fast Food Nation- dir. Richard Linklater


Another of my favorite directors (I enjoyed A Scanner Darkley more than I should have), Linklater here adapts the massive nonfiction bestseller about the fast food industry into a layered narrative.

Early word: toothless but well made and well intentioned.

Super Size Me

14. Southland Tales- dir. Richard Kelley

Already massively controversial after the ruckus caused at Cannes. Many critics called it a colossal failure. But, the same thing happened with Donnie Darko, and that seemed to turn out ok.

This one is set 2 years in the future and chock full of every idea Kelley could imagine (which may account for its near 3 hour original cut). This one may not come out this year... it just got a studio deal after the drubbing, and Kelley is busy recutting it.

Can't wait.

(No trailer... just a funny clip)

15. For Your Consideration- dir. Cristopher Guest


This comedy is all meta... a mockumentary about a small film that suddenly becomes a dark horse for the Oscars. Guest again pulling the same great schtick he's perfected in "Best in Show", "A Mighty Wind" and "Spinal Tap".

No preview as yet.

16. The Science of Sleep- dir. Michel Gondry


Again, I was more psyched for this one pre-trailer. Gondry just robs a bit too much from his music videos, it appears. But I loved "Eternal Sunshine..." and Gael Garcia Bernal is one of the best actors working. Charlotte Gainsbourg.

Never mind... I'm excited again.

Deadweight

17. Apocalypto- dir. Mel Gibson


If it bombs, we can just blame it on the jews.

Sieg Heil

18. Sunshine- dir. Danny Boyle


Another movie with a release date in flux. Was to come out in October, now it may be pushed back to the start of next year. Danny Boyle continues to show he can direct any genre he damn well wants to. This one, another brainy sci-fi film about scientists trying to prevent the sudden death of the sun.

Heliostatic equilibrium

19. Casino Royale- dir. Martin Campbell


Just stuck this one in here, because apparently I'm still a sucker who believes Flemings estate can produce the Bond film we all deserve. Trailer looks impressive, in a Batman Begins/Bourne Identity type of way. And I like the choice of Daniel Craig as Bond.

Let's watch me be disappointed yet again.

Bourne Again

Another Annunciation

And we're off... Breaststroking through the blogosphere, swim wings of self-importance keeping me afloat. Being an expert in self involvement, I decided to put down my dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged and join the latest paradigm shift of popular egoism and start my own little website.

You're all welcome.

Just like every other voice of individualism, I plan on posting my ever so important musings on whatever it is I feel you should feel should be important. Most likely, these ideas will be cribbed from other, better websites, completely unannotated. I will most likely talk about music I have heard illegally, political thought I have digested implicitly, and movies I have watched inebriately.

Yes. I know that last one isn't really a word. Better get used to that as well.

I'll try not discuss my personal life, largely because no one really cares and I don't really have one.